see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize