just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
