He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
