apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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