I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
