I met the friendliest cop last night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
