I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
