Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
