I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
