onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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