then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
