believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
