Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
