My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We are all done wearing pants today
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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