Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
