we have officially lost it.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
