I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
