i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
