oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize