The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize