she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
