if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
