margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
