Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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