He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
