I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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