I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize