i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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