i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
