halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
