Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Ontario

She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.

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(406): View more from Montana

she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?

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(860): View more from Connecticut

I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season

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(309): View more from Illinois

Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?

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(514): View more from Quebec

He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.

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(810): View more from Michigan

Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.

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(408): View more from California

he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...

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(630): View more from Illinois

I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.

(217): View more from Illinois

Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever

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(815): View more from Illinois

did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?

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