im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
