great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
