just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
