how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
