Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
