Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have tasted many bathrooms
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
