my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
