I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
