Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
