dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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