i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
