Nicole vs. Life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
