Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
