All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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