I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
