Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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