Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Never underestimate the power of titties
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