i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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