Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
