Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
