He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
