I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
