she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
