this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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