You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
