i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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