My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
