I'm drive I can fine osifer
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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