Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
