You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
