You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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