Well douche your snatch and let's go!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
