it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize