thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
