dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
