you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
